


Friends

by im_the_king_of_the_ocean



Series: Rarepairs Week 2K18 [2]
Category: Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual!Jim, Joby - Freeform, M/M, Pansexual!Toby, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 06:35:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16383155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_the_king_of_the_ocean/pseuds/im_the_king_of_the_ocean
Summary: Jim has an unrequited crush on Toby





	Friends

The thing about being asexual is that it makes the whole “affection” thing incredibly difficult.Especially when it comes to having a crush on one’s best friend (who happens to be pansexual).Not that Toby’s identity is a problem or has anything to do with Jim’s feelings really.It just means that Toby tends to be more outspoken about his crushes.Though, thinking about it, maybe that’s just the type of person Toby is.Regardless, Jim gets to hear a lot about Toby’s crushes.

Every.Single.One.Of.Them.

They’d been best friends since forever, after all.And, if there was one thing a best friend did, it was listen to their friend about their many, _many_ romantic woes.Even if it pained them that their friend never once considered them for the coveted role of Significant Other.

Toby understands and respects Jim’s ace identity.Jim knows that.He listened when Jim explained it.Knows that Jim doesn’t develop feelings in quite the same way as he does, but they’re just as valid.Is totally cool and awesome sauce with all of it.

Somehow, in all of that though, none of it ever translates into _what we could be_.

Toby cares about Jim, yes.Would probably follow him to Pluto and back. _Had_ followed him into an entirely new and secret world of trolls.Steadfast and stubbornly stands by him through everything that entails.

But, Toby always says, _that’s what best friends for life do._

Like Samwise Gamgee following Frodo out of the Shire, across the world, and to the top of Mt. Doom to destroy the One Ring.

There are times, fleeting moments, when Jim wants to point out that there are some, mostly online, who decided for themselves that Sam and Frodo were something _more._

He never does.

What can he offer Toby anyway besides friendship already given?He’s not particularly good with lovey-dovey stuff.He doesn’t really _get it_ most of the time _._ He’s not particularly attractive.He’s way too _noodly_.Is that even a word?Jim doesn’t think it is.That makes it even better to describe what he is.

He’s okay with being hugged, but doesn’t really like to give hugs back.He gets anxious easily and worries often (and he has to take care of his mom).He knows Toby already has concerns about him and his wellbeing.

Jim knows he’d make the worst boyfriend.Ever.

Only in his head, he asks Toby on occasion, “Should I smile because you’re my friend, or cry because that’s all we’ll ever be?”

It’s a stupid question.One Jim feels he already knows the answer to.Toby’s his friend.He makes Jim smile on a daily basis.Laugh too.He makes him feel warm and happy inside when everything else tries to drain that goodness away.

There’s so much in their relationship that Jim cherishes already.Why gamble all that on a stupid feeling that he’s probably not feeling right because he’s asexual anyway?Why not just try to be happy with what he’s got?Never wishing for more means he’ll never get hurt.

Jim knows what it is to be hurt by someone he gave love unconditionally to already.He’s uncertain he can ever do that again.He tries not to question it.

He doesn’t want to lose his best friend.

He’s being stupid.

It hurts regardless.

Especially around Valentine’s Day or the school dances, when Toby starts trying to find partners again.

It makes Jim want to scream, _I’m right here.I love you.I love you so much.I don’t just mean as your friend who knows all your embarrassing childhood secrets because I was right there with you getting into trouble either._

_I love you, Tobes._

_I wish you’d love me like that._

 

There’s a rose in Jim’s locker and a note reading, ‘from your secret admirer’, the Monday before Spring Fling.Jim feels his ears burn.He quickly stashes the flower away before anyone can see and snicker.He’ll dispose of it later, when he can be sure whoever left it as a prank isn’t watching.

Toby seems sad when he tells him what he’s going to do, so Jim reconsiders and ends up leaving the rose on a breakfast tray for his sleeping mother.

The small gifts keep coming.Whoever’s sending them has an almost expert knowledge of Jim’s schedule and his likes and dislikes.After the rose, the gifts are less romance-oriented, but clearly chosen with Jim in mind; a model Vespa, his favorite candy bar (the really hard to find Nougat Nummies with caramel in the center), a portable tool kit that will come in great when he and Blinky tinker on his real Vespa.

Jim appreciates them, but, at the same time, is slightly disturbed that someone is taking the time to study—stalk—him to such an extent.He expresses this to Toby one day after school.

Rather than commiserate with him, Toby groans and stomps off in a huff.

It takes Jim until late into that evening to figure it out.

He goes rushing outside, even though rain pummels down from the sky.His shoes slap against the slippery pavement as he runs.Toby goes with his Nana to bingo on occasion, to hang out with some of her older friends who he likes to talk to.That’s where he is now.

Jim, rain-drenched and out of breath, reaches Toby just outside of the community center.

For a second, the two boys just look at each other.

Then, Jim admits,

“I love you, Tobes.”

Toby smiles, and it’s not the smile of a best friend, but the smile of something _more_.

“I love you too, Jimbo.”


End file.
